10 Ridiculously Stupid PETA Campaigns

10 Ridiculously Stupid PETA Campaigns

Although they supposedly exist to promote the ethical treatment of animals, anyone who's got a pulse and a brain knows PETA is a stark raving mad organization fully engrossed with getting their name in the news by any means necessary. In fact, their shock-and-awe tactics are usually so outrageous and despicable that any message about the ethical treatment of animals is destroyed.

It didn't help when news outlets like the Huffington Post busted the supposed animal rights champion for euthanizing 96 percent of all the animals they take in — they have killed almost 30,000 cats, dogs and other domestic animals in the last decade, with statistics from the Virginia Department for Agriculture and Consumer Services to back it up. With a record like that, it's pretty laughable to consider PETA a legitimate lobbying organization.

Most recently, PETA bull rushed its way into headlines by declaring its interest in pursuing drones to stalk hunters in the field, saying it will have "impressive new weapons at its disposal to combat those who gun down deer and doves." It apparently wants to monitor "those who are out in the woods with death on their minds." According to a statement released by PETA president Ingrid Newkirk, "Slob hunters may need to rethink the idea that they can get away with murder, alone out there in the woods with no one watching."

Before that, PETA campaigned against Mario and Pokemon for their evil turtle smashing video games, sued SeaWorld on behalf of several "slaves" (i.e. killer whales) and started their own XXX porn site (no, we didn't make that one up). PETA is also infamous for its use of lewd public displays of sadomasochism, throwing blood on people wearing fur or showing up nude to a host of public events. We've cataloged their obscenity with our 10 ridiculously stupid PETA campaigns, giving you one more reason to toss PETA out like the decades old trash it is.


Free Willy and Chain Mario

One of the explicit tactics PETA has employed the last two decades has been to leech on to anything popular in the mainstream culture and attack it, typically in an offensive and over-the-top way. It's kind of a double edged sword — yes, it gets a lot of pub, but it usually just points out how brainless PETA actually is, and it takes away from any real message it seeks to promote. As a result, more people brush off the message than are willing to listen.

Case in point, the lawsuit it filed in February 2012 against SeaWorld for the use of what PETA claims is "slave labor," i.e. killer whales. The legal team representing SeaWorld echoed the seemingly obvious sentiment most semi-conscious adults share: "Neither orcas nor any other animal were included in the 'We the people'... when the Constitution was adopted." You don't say. I don't have a law degree, but I could have come to that conclusion.

PETA always finds a way to outdo itself, though. It has launched campaigns against video game characters like Mario — who so cruelly enjoys smashing turtles and wearing raccoon suits — and Pokemon, both part of the Nintendo family. As we so often remind our kids, a simple message to PETA should suffice: video games are not real. No actual raccoons were harmed in the making of Super Mario 3D Land.

PETA XXX

The connection between PETA and the use of porn to promote its message is a head scratcher at best. Apparently the logic goes something like this: Show people naked celebrities (or build them a pseudo-porn site) and they'll suddenly come to grips with the horror of killing animals for food or fur. Yeah, still not sure how that works out.

In reality, PETA's policy is to use any method possible to grab people's attention, regardless of the consequences. Ironically, in trying to make people aware of animal cruelty, PETA objectifies women and treats them like a piece of meat tossed to the masses. In a world where women are gang raped and treated like a commodity millions of times a day around the world, it is unthinkably deplorable that PETA would turn women into disposable currency for their own agenda.

Iced Breast Cream

First there was the Swiss entrepreneur who decided he'd try to sell ice cream made from human breast milk. Then came the proverbial meeting of the mindless at PETA which concluded it'd try to persuade Ben & Jerry's to switch over to a breast milk formula rather than traditional dairy from cows.

The result? A push for "Double D Dipple Nipple," the breast milk ice cream with double dipped gumdrops. No, we're not kidding. Much to everyone's surprise, Ben & Jerry's said no, nursing mothers said no, consumers said no and well, pretty much everybody said no. Let's all take a collective moment to shudder.

Celebrities Go Naked for PETA

One of the main pushes for PETA the last couple of years has been to co-opt celebrities in support of its cause. At one level this makes a lot of sense — star power sells.

But it's not just that PETA relies on celebrities to make their case — we're talking about photos of naked celebs with a catch phrase like "I'd rather go naked than wear fur" to go with. Since research points out that erotic images send blood away from the thinking part of the brain to, uh, other regions, it's pretty likely a naked picture of Khloe Kardashian or Chad Ochocinco has got people thinking about anything but animal cruelty. If you take a look at the forums where these photos are discussed, this much is obvious.

Vegan Sex Ends in Abuse

One of the most obscene videos PETA has produced — "Boyfriend Went Vegan" — came out in 2012. The video shows a woman walking down the street with an overcoat and a neck brace, which resulted from a sexual encounter with her newly converted vegan boyfriend. The message? Vegans have better — and apparently rougher — sex.

First of all, making light of sexual or physical abuse committed against a woman is morally abhorrent. Treating a woman so rough sexually that she needs a neck brace and can barely walk is nowhere near a laughing matter. Furthermore, celebrating such an act as a benefit to going vegan does exactly the opposite of what PETA intends — it associates moral perversity with a vegan lifestyle, making you want to reject both vehemently.

This is stupidity at its height — pairing the thing you're trying to celebrate (veganism) with a morally outrageous act (sexual abuse) and wondering why people run from your organization like the plague.

Naked at the Running of the Bulls

As a country founded on the principles of free speech, most Americans can appreciate a protest or march conducted in decency. Carried out in an upright, civil manner, we're all for showing up at the capitol with a million supporters and signs.

What we're not for is the kind of protest PETA likes to launch — an exhibition of naked, bloodied people laying on the ground in front of a stadium to protest bull fighting. Let's face facts: if the Europeans laugh, cringe or get their jollies as protesters line the sidewalks in Pamplona (not at all ungrateful for the free display of nudity), then the message is almost completely lost. I'm sure for them seeing the naked protesters is the cherry on top of their bull fighting sundae. Once again, the connection between a bunch of naked vegans dancing around in the streets and animal cruelty are ridiculously vague at best. If anything it makes their culture seem even more unappealing and psychotic.

Veggie Love Super Bowl Ad

Let's be honest — when PETA made their extremely erotic short film that depicted naked women having sexual encounters with vegetables, the organization had to know it would never get aired at the Super Bowl. But that didn't stop PETA from trying.

We're not really sure what the point of "Veggie Love" was, especially since the most offended parties after its launch were vegans. They're the first group of people to complain about PETA associating pornographic lewdness, physical abuse and exploitation of the female body with the vegan message. So if your organization is hated by so many of the people it claims to support, is your method really working? Obviously not.

KKK at the AKC

One of PETA's "pet" projects the last decade or so has been to protest at American Kennel Club (AKC) shows. Protesting is one thing, but PETA people dress up as Ku Klux Klan (KKK) members, thus labeling the AKC as "pure blood racists."

A 2008 video makes this point clear, as a KKK member shows up at a AKC meeting and is told he's in the wrong place. "No, you guys are all for pure blood lines, right? This is just the place for me." Nothing like comparing dog breeders with white supremacists who terrorized African-Americans and formed lynch mobs. It doesn't get much more stupid than that.

Animal Products and the Holocaust

Perhaps one of the most culturally insensitive things PETA did was to create giant picture boards and post them in public spaces in Germany in 2003. On one side was a picture of concentration camp victims and on the other were chickens in a row of cages, with a slogan across the top, "Holocaust on your plate."

A German court banned the practice, calling it overly offensive and said it was not protected by free speech.

Attack of the Drones

When PETA announced it would purchase drones to stalk "slob hunters who think they can get away with murder," most of us laughed and sighed, recalling an incident in November 2012 when a group of hunters shot down an anti-hunting group's drone while it tried to interfere with a pigeon shoot — kind of the wrong crowd to mess with; after all, they do specialize in knocking flying objects out of the sky. Thanks to the PETA decree, most of us accepted this new challenge, daydreaming for at least a minute about firing our Joe Biden recommended double barrel into the sky and knocking down one of those $9,000 PETA drones.

Not only is it stupid that PETA is willing to waste $9,000 on a drone to harass hunters in the field, it's also illegal. But just like uncle Joe, PETA has no problem suggesting harebrained initiatives that completely ignore the law. As in Michigan, nearly every state has laws like this:

"Hunters in Michigan have the right to enjoy their sport free from unreasonable and deliberate interference from those opposed to hunting as a legitimate use of public land and other natural resources. Michigan law prohibits individuals from obstructing or interfering with the lawful taking of animals."

Bring on the drones, we say. Hunters are an industrious lot, always looking for a good challenge. Just don't blame us when the "warning shot" from our front porch or treestand happens to knock down your pricey toy helicopter. The real question is, what type of shotshell load works best on drones? Let the debate begin.

Need to see more idiotic PETA campaigns? We've got you covered right here.

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